the11thhourworker

Matthew 20:1-16

Here’s Why Food Addiction is the Hardest to Beat…

This post is actually an update to the one I posted earlier today.  I received a question that I feel deserves a bigger answer than I can give via a blog comment.  That question is, and I’m paraphrasing:

 

If I have overcome all the reasons that caused me, in the past, to be overweight and stress-eat, then why can’t I lose the weight now?

 

The answer isn’t as easy as you might think.  First, I’m 48 years old and that means that for over 35 years I have been addicted to food.  A 35 year addiction won’t be kicked in a day, or maybe even a year.  And it’s even harder if your addiction is for food.  Why?  Well, that brings me to my second point.

 

Second, food is something that EVERYTHING on the planet needs.  Everything “NEEDS” food to live.  You don’t need drugs…. you don’t need alcohol…. you don’t even need sex to live;  but you do need food.  I think this is one of the reasons that the devil targets people with a food addiction…. because it is the HARDEST addiction to overcome.

 

Think about it.  Just STOP and think about it.  If you are addicted to alcohol, and I’ve known people that were alcoholics, you cannot have even one drink.  One drink can send you right back to square one.  Same with drugs.  Some drug addicts or alcoholics cannot even be NEAR drugs or alcohol.  The smell alone will bring about a temptation that this too strong.  Now, I’m certain there are some that will say that’s not the case with everyone.  And yes, there will be some that can get through and not be tempted.  But I knew someone that had to ask if alcohol is going to be served at a wedding or birthday party or whatever, and if alcohol would be there, he absolutely could not come.  It was a DIFFICULT struggle for him, even on good days.

 

Now, let’s say that the same alcoholic MUST take one sip of alcohol 3 times per day.  Could that alcoholic beat the addiction?  Or, would it get harder and harder until they were broken?  That is how it is for me and food.  I can’t just quit cold turkey, as some do with alcohol or drugs.  I HAVE to have food to survive. It’s NOT A CHOICE;  It’s a fact of life.  So they tell you to eat right and eat smaller portions or take in only so many calories, etc.  But for me, I feel like an alcoholic who can only have one sip.

 

I realize there are always exceptions, and weight loss is not like this for everyone.  Some have 30 pounds creep up on them over the course of 3 years, then they go on a diet and everything’s fine for another 3 years.  THAT IS NOT ME.  And that is not how it is for many with a food addiction.

 

The very last diet I was on was 3 years ago and I lost 50 pounds.  I spent another 2 years gaining it all slowly back.  I’m done.  I’m tired of fighting for something that doesn’t matter to me as much as it matters to everyone else.  I don’t want to live the rest of my life going up and down.  I’ve taken all the drugs that help with weight loss.  They work… for a little while.  Then you stop taking them and gain the weight back.  The surgeries… I’ve read about them all.  I couldn’t afford any of them, even if I did want to have surgery.

 

I’ve lived long enough to see so many people’s lives utterly destroyed by alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, sex, and even workaholics can destroy their lives.  But food never made me lose my job, my spouse, my home… being overweight means I might not be able to do as much as a skinny person can, but it has not destroyed my life.  Every person that tells me that I am “unhealthy” has been a life-long skinny person who has NO IDEA what they are talking about.  At age 25, I weighed 200 pounds and I exercised.  I used to have more stamina and out-do my skinny girlfriends who didn’t exercise.  My doctor took some blood and couldn’t believe my cholesterol was so low and my blood pressure was normal.  WHY?  Because they are all taught that fat people are unhealthy and in my own experience, that is simply NOT TRUE.  (Today, at age 48, my cholesterol, blood sugar and blood pressure are still good.)

 

Look, the general public is so OBSESSED with being thin and exercising… being “beautiful”…. that they can’t believe anyone would want to be fat.  So they fat-shame and fat-bash.  I don’t “want” to be fat.  I heard Oprah Winfrey once say something to the effect that she felt God made people who they are, and some of us are Saint Bernards and some of us are Chihuahuas.  I’m HAPPY… I realize that is impossible for skinny people to understand, but I AM HAPPY as a Saint Bernard and am not ashamed.  The Lord made me and I will continue living for Him.  And that, I can do, at any size.

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March 21, 2016 Posted by | My Thoughts and Opinions | , , , , | Leave a comment

WHY ARE THE FAT STILL RIDICULED TODAY?

Months ago, I cannot remember when exactly, the Lord put it on my heart that making fun of fat people was just about the only thing left that was still accepted in our society.  Making fun of ANYONE that is different than yourself is ungodly and wrong.  I think everyone knows that.  But certain things that were once widely accepted are now taboo in today’s society.  No longer can you make fun of gays, people of color, the handicapped, etc.  (And why would you want to?!)  Even those with addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, work are on the taboo list.  So you say you’re an addict?  No problem!  The medical community now says it’s “not your fault” because those are “diseases.”  BUT wait a second!  If you say you’re addicted to food?  Well, screw you for eating too much and not exercising!  Ya, that’s it in a nutshell.  But the bigger question is WHY?  FAT-BASHING or FAT-SHAMING are still okay?  HOW IS THAT SO?

 

Many years ago, I worked for a company that employed Psychiatric doctors and nurses.  After that, I worked in a non-profit center that helped people with mental illnesses.  Needless to say, I learned a lot about Psychiatry and people needing the help of Psychiatrists because I had to read patient charts all day.  I quickly learned that addiction is a coping mechanism for stress.  Sometimes it’s referred to as “self-medicating.”  When something traumatic happens to a person, it causes an immense amount of stress on the human mind and body.  If you are not able to get past or overcome that stress, then the person will do whatever it takes to alleviate the stress and make themselves feel better.  This where alcohol, drugs, etc. come in.  An addiction comes about from something that “feels good” and the person repeats the behavior every time they feel stress.  If the stress is on-going in their lives, the person’s need to self-medicate can become a full-blown addiction.  I learned that if or until the person overcomes the stress, it is nearly impossible to break the addiction.  This is why therapy is often needed.  Because often a person won’t even know WHY they are addicted.  Once they “face their demons” so to speak, the addiction can be broken easier.  Case in point: Tom Arnold.  He came out years ago and said that during the time he was addicted to drugs and alcohol, he didn’t really know why.  It was during therapy that he started to remember the sexual abuse he suffered as a child.   He has also been overweight.  Is it too much of a stretch to think that food was also part of his addiction?  And if you accept that, then making fun of him being fat would, in fact, be making fun of his sexual abuse.

 

Okay, so the reason I wrote this article is because I have fought being overweight all my life.  As I am writing this, I am fat.  I have spent probably 20 years of my life actively ON a diet.  Trust me when I say that it is a horrible way to live, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.  I was of normal weight until puberty, age 11 or 12.  That was also the same time in my life I started Junior High School, and the bullying began in my life.  I didn’t find out until I was 40 years old that I had Asperger’s Syndrome, so during this time I was “weird” to the other kids and didn’t have many friends.  I was also verbally bullied at home by my mother and then by my little sister who just copied my mother’s language and behavior.  The doctors told my mother that there was nothing wrong me and that I just had an attitude problem (they didn’t know about Asperger’s back then.)  My mother sticks by that story to this day. It’s her go-to excuse explanation as to why she treated me so bad.  The doctor’s said it was okay.  A few years ago she even said to my face, “you made me treat you that way.”  Yup she was the victim, not me.  I was quite literally shocked when she said that.  She immediately played “victim” as if I did something to her.  I was 42 years old and didn’t think she could hurt me anymore and yet, she still found something to say that crushed my soul.  And I cried like a baby that day.  Her inability to admit what she did, own up to it and apologize to me, which is all I wanted, was heart-wrenching and the reason why I cannot have a relationship with her ever again.  That is the very last day I ever spoke to my mother.  She and my sister treated me terrible but only outsiders saw it.  Other family members were so used to it, they thought it was “normal”.  A friend of mine once saw my sister and I talking and after my sister left she said, “why does she treat you so mean?”  My eyes immediately welled up with tears and I said, “you saw that?!  No one has ever seen that before.”  It was the defining moment when I realized I was not crazy… I was not the bad guy.  The awful truth is that my mother and sister do not like me, treat me like garbage,  and they blame me for it.  Is it any wonder, then, why I have self-medicated with food all my life?

 

It’s no surprise that growing up, we didn’t have any Christianity in our home.  We celebrated Christmas and Easter, and my family told people that we were Christian.  But we were NOT Christians.  My mother lied to make herself look good.  She hated God and even frowned upon us going to church with friends.  It’s no wonder that she found Catholicism when I was a teen.  Catholicism fits her own screwed up view of Christianity.  She had all these books she read about the saints and about Catholicism in general, yet I never saw her reading an actual Bible.  But I digress…  It was during all this strife at school AND at home, that I self-medicated with food.  My mother was also overweight so we had lots of sweets in the house, and we had the run of the kitchen.  We ate whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.  And when the kitchen was bare because it was almost grocery shopping day, I remember eating uncooked pasta out of the box and eating uncooked corn meal out of the bag.  That certainly sounds like an addiction to me!  Then, I lost 60 pounds during the summer between 10th and 11th grade.  That was my very first diet.  I have been gaining and losing weight ever since.  There was a point during my 20s that I was normal weight but I drank alcohol…. a lot of it.  Ya, I was substituting alcohol for food.  And when I stopped drinking?  You guessed it…I gained weight again.

 

Matthew 6:15 KJV But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

 

Now, I didn’t start out to make this a bash-my-mom blog.  I have told the Lord that I FORGIVE my mother and sister.  I even told the Lord I forgave my father for going along with them and not sticking up for me.  I gave up carrying around the baggage of the hatred I felt for them.  I FORGAVE.  But the words “forgive and forget” and NOT IN THE BIBLE.  Forgetting what someone did to you and forgiving are very different.  I cannot forget because neither of them have admitted what they did nor apologized for it.  I HAVE to forgive them… FOR MYSELF.  But I cannot forget and move past it because they would still continue to treat me the same as they always have.  Each time in my life when I have “let it go”, I “forgot” and went on as if nothing happened, and it resulted in me being treated horrible again.  My spirit just can’t take it anymore.

 

Getting back to the topic at hand;  WHY then is it still okay to be mean to fat people?  WHY do I still see troll-posts on Facebook telling a fat girl she is “unhealthy”, “obese”, “UGLY?”  WHY?  WHY are life-long skinny people telling fat people to do….anything?  A life-long skinny person couldn’t possibly understand the challenges we face… what we go through.  Would those same people just tell a drug addict to stop taking drugs!  “Oh it’s so simple… just stop taking drugs!”   “Oh it’s so simple… just stop eating bon-bons and go exercise!”  Wow!  I should just STOP because it’s soooooo easy!  Why didn’t I think of that?!  And some of the same people addicted to alcohol, shopping, gambling, etc. are telling fat people to STOP.  The hypocrisy is never-ending.

 

John 13:34-35 KJV- A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another;  as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

 

In retrospect, I see that if my family had simply had JESUS in our home, my childhood would have been much happier.  My mother would have been understanding, caring, loving and in turn, my sister would have learned that from her.  We would have been a loving family.  JESUS really IS the answer for everything.

 

If you judge others, without knowing everything they have been through, and I mean EVERYTHING, then you are WRONG.  That is why the Bible says not to judge others.

 

Luke 6:37 – Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

 

1 Corinthians 4:5 NIV –Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.”

 

March 21, 2016 Posted by | My Thoughts and Opinions | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment